Reflections of an Old Fuddy-Duddy
I had lunch today with a high school classmate whom I’ve not seen for 51 years. It was amazing how quickly we were transported back to our teenage years. After sharing stories about mutual friends and correcting each other’s memories about names and places, we had The Discussion:
If you could be 14 years old again and start ninth grade over, would you do it?
Bob at first said yes, he would. He said that he had been unfriendly to some people in our class when he was in high school and, based on what he has learned in the intervening fifty years, he would be nice, kind, and friendly with everyone. I said that the crucial part of this thought experiment is that you can’t take back with you what you’ve learned in the meantime. You have to start as a 14-year-old with what a 14-year-old knows, thinks, and confronts. Bob thought for a moment and then said, “No, I wouldn’t want to do that. Looking back, I see all the decisions I made and all the things that have happened to me. At least some of those decisions and some of those happenings would be different and my life would turn out differently. In fact, the second time around I might not survive all the accidents that were near misses the first time. So, no, I would not choose to be a 14-year-old again.” I agreed.
The fall semester has started again at my law school. I see the Generation-Y students that are just beginning their legal education and I remember how I felt when I was a student here 42 years ago, just starting my first semester in law school. There is no way I would change places with them even though to them I know I appear to be an old, over-the-hill fuddy-duddy. I am happy with who I am and where I am. Most mornings driving to school I thank the Cosmos for my good fortune, which would not have happened if some of my decisions and their consequences been different. Having meaningful work helping young people become who they are supposed to be is only possible because I am an old fuddy-duddy who has something to say to them now that they find helpful.
Would I go back as a 14 year old and do it over again? My first reaction is YES! I wish so badly that I could go slap my high school self in the face and say, “stop being so shallow and caring so much about what other people think!” When I got to college and made REAL friends who were REAL people who cared about REAL things, the whole idea of making the most out of my ‘life experience’ finally clicked in my head. I always loved school, but I started to care about what was in my head instead of what was on it. I started caring about spending time with quality people, regardless of how popular they were or what they could do for me. I wish so badly that I could have figured that out sooner!
However, I valued those college experiences MORE because I was finally starting to figure things out. I am embarrassed about who I was before college (and avoid anyone from high school like the plague) but seeing how far I’ve come is really rewarding, and gives me hope for more changes I can make in the future. So when I think about it more, no–I wouldn’t go back. The future is much more important than the past, regardless of how embarrassing your past is!