Common Communication Myths and Communication Competency
(Adapted from Kory Floyd (2009) Interpersonal Communication: the whole story. Thousand Oaks: McGraw Hill.)
Common Communication Myths
1. Everyone is an expert.a. In a nationwide survey of U.S. American adults conducted by the National Communication Association, 91% of participants rated their communication skills as above average. Experience in communication, however, does not equal expertise. Expertise requires the development of knowledge and ability that goes beyond personal experience.
a. It is easy to blame communication when things go wrong. The fact is, however, that communication isn’t the cause of every problem and though it is a powerful tool, it can’t solve every problem.
a. The fact is that communication itself is not an object like a computer that can “breakdown.”
b. Relationships will break down and often communication takes the blame.
a. Communication can be great
b. Communication can be awful
c. Relationships (a.k.a., people) determine the outcome of their communication together.
a. Sometimes more communication can heal relationships
b. Sometimes stopping is the better option
Communication Competency
Being aware of these myths can help us become more competent communicators. There are five characteristics of competent communicators.
They are:
- 1. Self-Awareness: Being aware of your behavior and how it affects others
- 2. Adaptability: Being able to assess what is going to be appropriate and effective in a given context and then modifying communication accordingly
- 3. Empathy: The ability to think and feel as others do
- 4. Cognitive Complexity: The ability to understand a given situation in multiple ways
- 5. Ethics: A code of morality or a set of ideas about what is right.
There are two interpersonal skits that illustrate many of these concepts in fun ways. The first skit produced by Studio-C through BYU, is a great example of Meta-Communication, which is communication about communication. This skit makes explicit the often implicit parts of communication, which we may not even be aware of or considering.
The second skit, which has been very popular online, shows the way we often communicate as couples. The man is trying to show some of the skills of a competent communicator while the woman explains how she is feeling. In the meantime, it is clear to him (and us) that the problem is much simpler and obvious then she is making it.
If you are interested in a picture book about communication, I would recommend “The Day the Crayons Quit” by Drew Daywalt. It is about a day when the crayons in Duncan’s Crayons Box decide communicating their concerns about how they are being used. They make Duncan aware of how they are feeling. For example, black crayon explains, “Dear Duncan..I hate being used to draw the outline of things…How about a black beach ball sometime?… Your friend, Black Crayon.” After Duncan hears about the crayons concerns he makes a plan to make a new picture that uses all of his crayons in a new colorful and creative way.
I thought this was super interesting when we went over this in class for many reasons. I think the main reason why is because i think the “myths” are interesting because I seriously have believed in most, if not all those myths at some point or another. Its just interesting for me to know that I’m not the only one who has actually thought those myths were true. And i LOVE the nail video! haha! I remember seeing it a while ago, and thought it was hilarious. But watching it in this class has helped me see, i guess you could say the “message” it is trying to portray. Also, i think i’ve realized there are some things i need to work on with my “communication competency”… Anyways, awesome article.
These myths are very believed in our world and because of that problems have been caused and made worse. I believe some of these even though they repeatedly don’t fix the problem. Hopefully I will realize that they are myths and stop believing them.
Awesome article! Thank you for introducing me to the book, The Day the Crayons Quit. It is a great book about communication!
I knew there was a reason I liked being left alone some of the time 😉 Communication isn’t always inherently good: it’s all contextual. The myth about communication break down got me. A person is always communicating whether they like it or not. Even the lack of communication or “breakdown” of communication is a type of communication!!! POOR communication can lead relationships to fail, not that communication itself breaks down. I feel a lot of the confusion in life could be solved if people just took a moment each day to rephrase something they are trying to say in a more articulate way. Think of how articulate one would become after only a year!
I completely agree with Myth #5. More communication is not always better! When two people are in an argument for example, sometimes it’s better to let things go and cease communicating than to keep hashing things out. I’ve learned this the hard way. I had a relationship where we were in a very tense situation. We fought and fought until finally, we could fight no more. It was easier to just stop instead of fighting more.
When I was reading these communication myths I found myself realizing that at one point in time or another I had thought that theses were true. Two of the myths that I’ve found out for myself is that communication is inherently good and then more communication is always better. I’ve realized that especially in close relationships sometimes the best thing is space and no communication. I’ve found that because we had that space when we came back to the situation we were both calmer and had clearer thoughts which led to a controlled conversation.
I like the myth: communication can solve any problem, it reminds me of my parents and how they think. So for example if I’m having a bad day and they ask me about it and I don’t want to talk about it they instantly think that it has to do with them which isn’t always the case. If something is bothering you or if you’re just having a bad day I think it is best to just step out of the situation, rather than to fight through your feelings.
I like the second clip, “It’s not about the nail.” It’s funny, but it also shows the need that people have to be understood rather than given advice. I think that’s why people use phrase like, “you know what I mean?” or “know what i’m saying?” because they just want validation that what they are communicating is being understood.
Empathy and self-awareness are two elements of communication I can and I know others struggle with at times. At times we can all be selfish, this selfishness totally ruins are ability to be empathetic and self aware. We don’t try and feel how others feel or understand where they are coming from if we are selfish. Not caring how are behavior effects others also stems from selfishness. So I feel like selfishness is also something that keeps us from being competent communicators.
Myth number one really correlates with today’s youth. There are so many distractions from face to face communication that it is hard to be an expert in socializing with others. It seems like cell phones and social media have degraded many social habits and norms.
Communication definitely can’t end every problem and make everything better. It can be helpful though and is still very useful. The nail in the head video makes an excellent example. One person can be talking about something but the other person could take it in a completely different way which makes sense to that person. It’s important to discuss and share to overcome these hurdles.
I loved the second clip, “It’s not about the nail” haha It kills me because I go through this sometimes. I have learned that it’s not always about giving advice and telling people what might be best for them. Sometimes people just need you to do the other part of communication and that is to listen.
Everything about this page was amazing! The myths were great they actually explained some communication problems ive been having myself. The skits were hilarious and really explained basic communication problems in a very funny way. The video with the girl and the nail was awesome and actually helped make sense of allot of fights ive had with the significant other. Thanks for the great read!
The myth more communication is always better has always baffled me. More communication is simply more communication. It has its pro’s and con’s just like everything else. Every situation is different and sometimes it is better to just let things go, or take a break for a minute. A funny clip about more communication is the comedy skit by Abbott and Costello called “Who’s on first”. In the skit there is obvious miscommunication and absolutely zero understanding. The more that the two people communicate the more confused the one man gets and the more frazzled the other man gets trying to explain it. In all more communication is more communication, sometimes for the better, and sometimes not. Its up to you.
I think that a lot of times people just want to be heard, just like in the second clip. They don’t always want or need advice. I think thats where the myth that more communication comes in. Sometimes we feel the need to talk or voice our own opinions when whoever we are communicating with has the need to communicate theirs as well. Its hard sometimes to sit back and just listen and empathize with people and, like somebody said in the comments above, our own selfishness can get in the way and keep us from communicating effectively.
I loved this nothing better than some myths getting busted. By knowing all these myths it makes me and everybody else that reads them a stronger and more educated person. Great video choices.
“Cognitive Complexity: The ability to understand a given situation in multiple ways”
The WORST time this issue comes up is when people talk about politics. It can be so hard to look at situations from the perspective of the “other side.” It is something that I still have a hard time with, even though I don’t identify with any one political party. I’ve found that the best way to think about it when I am struggling is to take a step back from ideologies and think about politics as problem solving. When people see a problem, there can be many proposed solutions, and if we bring all the possible solutions together we can pick the best ones for each individual situations.
I really liked the two communication videos. I especially enjoyed when the the daughter asked the parents something that was already responded as a no and then the Dad taking her side. That happens in my family all the time it was really enjoyable to watch.
Also the Nail video was hilarious, I totally do that sometimes, something is super easily explained but I wont except it because it MUST be something else.
A lot of the time I find myself participating frequently in these communication myths, it can be difficult to stop because it is so ingrained in our society and the way we speak.
My favorite myth is five, more communication is always better. I have a best friend who lives on this principle. Whenever we bicker, disagree, fight or even if I am just in a bad mood she loves to try and “talk it out.” She strongly believes just by having a serious conversation of the issue that will solve all the problems. I do think in some situations good communication is the only way to solve it, but that is definitely not that case in all situations. Sometimes I just need to be left alone but if there is an issue between her and I, I know that is not an option. She does not feel like things are resolved until we have a good discussion about it.
Myth #2 is what hit me the hardest. Coming from a family where several distant relatives had failed marriages due to problems with “communicating”, the idea that communication doesn’t solve every problem is mind-bending. I believe that I, along with most people that take Interpersonal Comm, knew everything there was to know about communication. Those incorrect perceptions were shattered as that class has progressed. It is very clear now that we all could benefit greatly from studying communication in more depth, rather than acting prideful and boastful as if we were experts on the subject simply because we speak English every day.
I love this skits at the end. They really make it all come together. I recently showed the nail skit to a friend of mine and we’ve been able to joke about it many times because we have become more aware of communication styles. In regards to feminine and masculine forms of communication, I recently observed a of friends, a male and female, as they had a conversation. They both had feminine styles of communication. I mostly noticed this when they constantly interrupted each other for the sake of support. I found myself getting really annoyed! I was only listening and the idea that they kept interrupting each other frustrated me. Not only when I’m in a conversation, do I like to finish my sentences, but even when listening I like to listen to full sentences. Just another difference in communication styles. It’s so good to learn what exactly bothers someone rather than unknowingly getting frustrated!
The clip “It’s Not About the Nail” reminded me of a good friend of mine who would always complain about any problem she had in her life. When we would try to give her advice on how to make it better, most of the time she would just get more frustrated and just wanted us to validate her opinions and hardships.
It really is interesting how many misconceptions there are about communication. One of the ones that is especially intriguing to look further into is how communication gets blamed for so much. When relationships crumble or start to go awry, it seems like communication is often the first thing that others criticize–“well, have you talked about it?” This seems like a common question that although a good one, not necessarily the “fix all” remedy that it sounds like. Talking about it isn’t always the solution as sometimes the problem lies elsewhere.
Certain things like these myths of Communication and how to fix them, like the real correct way to fix them, seem like common sense to me. Not in a way that is saying “How can everyone be so stupid” but more of “I thought we all knew that”
Communication is something that is really hard to make work out, but when you do make it work in the situations that need it to be good and clear, it is awesome when they help you get to where you want to be. It’s odd that Communication is a double edged sword.
I liked how this article gives the bad and the good sides of communication. I agree with myth number 2 “though it is a powerful tool, it can’t solve every problem.” communication can be a powerful tool to use to your advantage however it cant solve every single problem, it is just a tool to be use by an individual who will determine how to use it ether in a good or bad way.
Very Interesting! Myth five can be true sometimes. But many times the best way to communicate is to stop.