The Golden Rule of Communication

Reciprocity is the idea that one action will usually match another action (think of the word reciprocal).

In communication, reciprocity means that in response to friendly actions, people are frequently nicer and more cooperative; conversely, in response to hostile actions, people will usually respond similarly. That is why so many people who are trying to sell stuff to you will offer you kindness, incentives and compliments. Usually they are trying to create a positive context so that you will respond favorably. This concept is useful in thinking about communication because it gives you insights about how to change the course of a conversation. If you remember that positive actions can result in reciprocated positive action, you can change the way the conversation is going. If things are not going well, try responding in a positive way like showing kindness, concern and/or love toward the other person. There are no guarantees in any conversation but showing sincere love and kindness definitely can’t hurt. If we think about reciprocity and the golden rule, we can see how thinking about others and treating them the way we would like to be treated is a good communication strategy (and a good way to live!)

Interestingly, there are many cultures and religions that have a version of the “golden rule.”

Christianity says: “You should love your neighbors as you love yourself.”

Judaism says: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow humans.”

Islam says: “Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you.”

Hinduism says: “This is the sum of duty: to do nothing to others which would cause them pain.”

Buddhism says: “Do not do to others what would hurt you.”

The Shawnee tribe says: “Do not kill or injure your neighbor, for it is not he or she that you injure; you injure yourself.”

There are two picture books that explain this concept well. Ilene Cooper’s book called “The Golden Rule” and Laurie Keller’s book “Do unto Otters.”

Cooper’s book beautifully captures this concept. There is a part where the grandpa teaches his grandson about imaging someone else’s feelings. The boy asks, “So, Grandpa, how can I start to practice the Golden Rule?” The grandpa responds, “You begin by using your imagination…You imagine how someone else feels. For instance, a new child who is joining your class. How do you think that boy or girl is feeling.” This is a great lesson for the grandson about reciprocity and imagined interaction.

“Do unto Otters” is hilarious. It is a great example of reciprocity. There is a classic line in the book, “Everyone appreciates a kind act no matter how bad it smells.” That’s a good one to remember!

Although, if you are not an otter, I think you might want to try to do unto others things that smell good:)
 Just a suggestion!